Doubts, struggles, anger, learning, managing, supporting, accepting…

Doubts, struggles, anger, learning, managing, supporting, accepting… It’s a cycle that I seem to live on repeat.

Today, for the first time, I’m opening up about my children’s neurodivergence. Until now, "acceptance" has been an ongoing process for me, and it still is in many ways. There’s so much stigma out there. I used to feel so anxious taking my older son to parties or playdates when he was younger. He didn’t play like other kids; his way of engaging was different, and people noticed. A local rock climbing group even excluded him because they thought his impulsivity was too risky, despite my promises to keep a close eye on him. My kids have often been labeled as "naughty" because they seem to have boundless energy and a curiosity that never quits. My house shows the signs—holes and dents that sometimes leave me feeling overwhelmed. I’ve probably been judged as a bad parent because I "medicate" my kids. And don’t get me started on the comments about their grades… the list goes on.

My older son was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and Autism before he was five. My younger one seems to have inherited his dad’s and granddad’s (and probably his great-grandad’s) dyslexia and of course ADHD as well. I used to ask myself, "Why is this happening to me?" But as I’ve come to understand, neurodivergence runs in our family and among our friends. Maybe this is my life’s purpose—to support those who face the same struggles and doubts.

For the past five years, I’ve been on a continuous learning journey about neurodivergence, but I still feel like there’s so much more to know. Research is always evolving, assessment tools are getting better, and the support available is becoming more well-rounded. Knowledge has been my biggest ally in understanding the "whys" and learning to accept my children just as they are. ADHD, for example, isn’t just about being hyperactive; it also involves challenges with impulsivity, time management, and executive functioning.

I know that for many parents, the idea of medication can be tough to accept. It’s easy to feel judged, like people are labeling you as "bad" or "irresponsible" for choosing that path. Both of my boys take Ritalin, and they’ve told me how much it helps them focus at school. My younger child used to have major meltdowns after school, but those have significantly decreased since he started the medication. Now, he’s no longer a "zombie" when he gets home and can actually enjoy his downtime. I still remember the day my older son broke down in tears, begging me for something to help him sleep. Melatonin was a game-changer while he was getting other therapeutic support. Now that he’s 10, he doesn’t rely on it every night—he decides when he needs it based on how he’s feeling that day. I’m big on consent: I’ve explained to them what the medications are, what the side effects might be, and how they can help. The choice is always theirs; I’ve never forced them into taking meds or going to therapy. They also recieve many other therapeutic support. Using medication sometimes is to increase their capacity to learn new skills.

I’m not here to tell anyone to "medicate" their kids. My message is more about involving your children in the decisions that affect them and doing your research. It’s important to really educate yourself about the science of neurodivergence, instead of just following advice from a mom group or making decisions after listening to a couple of podcasts. Supporting your child is a lifelong journey, and it’s crucial not just to try something briefly, decide it’s not working, and then jump to the next thing, repeating that cycle over and over. There is never one-fit-all solution or strategy. Understanding your children and what's available out there to support them can optimise outcomes and reduce frustrations.

Supporting Neurodivergence

Supporting neurodivergent children isn’t easy, especially when you’re neurodivergent yourself. It’s a journey of learning, understanding, and accepting who you are, who they are, and finding ways to make everyday life a little less overwhelming for everyone.